Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Monday, January 19, 2009

Mom wanted more pictures

Winter here with icey roads and schools cancelled. Dylan's napping but after we'll go for a walk.
It's been up and down in D world. He's growing like crazy and able to do new things all the time. Last night I read him a bedtime story and I swear he was following the pictures with his eyes, laughing when I turned the page. It's incredible watching someone grow so much so fast.
I have my good and bad days, sometimes exhausted and frustrated that I can't seem to get anything done. Other days are just amazing, both because D amazes but also because I get a chance to do something I love. Yesterday was both.
Two quick thoughts here:
1- On food and, in particular, dairy products. As I pump breastmilk each morning and freeze the little baggies, I watch the reserve supply grow. Still, they're meager amounts really and nothing compared to the 2 litres of milk I can just pick up at the grocery store. When I think of what our bodies go through to make milk and how precious it is, it makes me appreciate cow's milk all the more. What the cow's body goes through and how valuable that milk is... Although I'm never one to really waste food, I have a deeper reverence and appreciation for it now. Community of life stuff, as Daniel Quinn would put it.
2- On post-baby emotional health. It's not been easy and suddenly I find myself feeling overwhelmed, sometimes alone, sometimes completely lost in baby world. Chris, poor man, gets to listen to me and comfort me when I try to figure out what on earth I'm doing with myself aside from feeding, changing diapers, cooking, trying to stay fed and clean myself. When I think about this and all of the moms I know, there is a kind of silence about how hard it really is. Babies are wonderful, it's true, and D is just so precious I could gobble him up. Still, that doesn't mean it's easy by any means. And because it's hard doesn't mean I'm a bad mom or a weak person. It would be easier to believe this, though, if our struggles were normalized and shared. Caring for a newborn isn't bliss. At least hasn't been for me. Good times, for sure. Lovely and beautiful moments, yes. But bliss, nope.
Anyway, just a couple of thoughts from here.
Peace out, M


Charles Gramlich said...

If you'd said taking care of a newborn was bliss I'd have worried about you. but yes, there are many wonderful moments too.

Amanda said...

You're absolutely right--I felt much the same and was awed (still am awed) by women who seem to just find it incredibly easy. (most of them don't breastfeed and leave kiddo with gramma & grampa from day one for overnights).

It's hard work being a baby's sole food source, more than anything. As you say, it's awesome at the same time. Not just the food source thing; mothering is awesome too. All hard, and exhausting. And one day at a time.

These days will pass, and it will get easier....(should I tell you that for me it got easier around the 18-month mark? I distinctly remember feeling cheated when 12-months came and i expected it all to change, but not much changed...) That seems a long way, but there are tonnes of incremental moments of ease that will start to appear very soon, I promise. and moments of hard too, might become a bit more confident in what you're experiencing, so that in itself is a bit easire. guys look great. Lots of love from land of snow & ice!

Anonymous said...

kids stink!

Julie said...

I should give you guys my schedule. If you ever need a bit of a break, give me a ring.