It's looking good from here

From Helsinki (Miia's post)

Hmph it’s been a long time since I’ve last had a chance to write. Let’s see… where to begin even?

It’s been a month of non-stop non-stop. Never more than three nights in a row in the same bed. The same clothes day in, day out. Always a new kitchen, trying to figure out where things are. Chris and me taking turns reading the map and figuring out where we’re headed. A new set of family members to introduce Chris to, have him explain the premise of his novel, and me trying to explain why we’re even on this long journey and not at home making babies. It’s been powerful and fun and great but also exhausting and even at times hard. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, overstay our welcome, make myself a bother.

But there are highlights.

Learning to weave in Kerimaki and presenting my first gift to my uncle Reijo and his wife Liisa to express my sincere thanks for letting us stay in our cottage paradise. The weaving was somehow very powerful, connecting me with the memory of my grandmother. It also made me think of my mother and the many hours she has spent making rugs, weaving fabrics. Somehow we all appreciate traditional handicrafts in broad strokes, but few us understand the work involved and how, so often, it is women who, in the kitchen, at the loom, with the needle and thread, singing songs to their children or telling the old stories that keep what we call heritage alive.

A good visit with my father and seeing him very happy and very well. Sending text messages back and forth with him while we’re here in Finland… relishing in a very rare communications with my dad.

An overnight stay with my grandmother. Watching her tend the flowers on my grandfather’s grave. Somehow she can no longer brush the lint off his lapel or staighten his tie, but she can trim the grass with scissors, water the soil, and try to control the pests on the flowers. She was somehow so moved that we stayed the extra night, counting herself lucky to be able to sit and talk with Chris through my translation.

The modern art gallery in Helsinki has a beautiful piece with the video of 10 different Colombian peasants singing songs they’ve written themselves about the strife in their own home. It was so powerful listening to their own voices, their creativity, seeing their faces and being witness to their strength and endurance. It was deeply humbling and recentred me.

My aunt called this morning and asked that I write a piece in her book about dealing with grief about my own experiences with my brother’s illness. It was very humbling to be asked and I agreed. Then she said she’d like to sit down with me one day and tell me the family stories. More humility.

Finding my twin cousins Anniina and Marjaana, just 11 months older than me, still somehow kindred spirits in some way, though we haven’t seen each other in years and have grown much over time. I like it and I think they are strong, smart women.

I like how Mika, Sian, Chris and I get along. I’ve learned a lot about Sian, much more than if we just spent time together in Toronto every now and again. She too is amazingly smart, so grounded, and so easy to get along with. I said to her and Mika, and I’ll say it again, she’s the best thing that ever happened to him.

Connecting with my 11-yr old cousin’s daughter Heli. She’s awesome and so interested and interesting. She’s so full of terrific energy and I loved getting a chance to dig up the clay on the bottom of the lake and make sculptures with her.

Finland in the summer, the sunshine, long days, wildflowers, red and white wood buildings, small towns, clean lakes, saunas, hedgehogs… all of it has been so pleasant and so satisfying. Spending time with family, spending time with Chris, reading like crazy and writing letters… We’ve already been off work for two months and life never felt better. As I write this I breathe deeply and think, yes, we’re on our way. Our passports are at the Russian consulate presently, getting the visas for when we go to Russia in less than two months. This time has been incredible and I am thrilled that we are continuing to make our dream come true. Sometimes you lose sight of it because you’re trying to figure out where to get internet connections in cafes or find your way on the bus or where you can get this done or how you can reach friends… But it’s all humdrum and really we’re having the time of our lives. I love the long talks, the long walks, the long days, and the calm to just breathe and be and not hurry or worry.

There is, of course, much more. But here is the start ... or the continuation, I suppose.

More later. Miia